In 2003 I had a disturbing symptom in my body that might have led to a serious diagnosis.
Since then I've recognised that when my soul is trying to get my attention, this is the path it takes - it shows up in a serious symptom.
All those years ago while waiting a couple of weeks for the diagnosis, I sat with my fears, looked at my current life, and asked myself what I would do with that precious life if I only had six months to live. It was clear to me that I would stop putting obstacles in front of myself, I'd take charge of my life and move to the UK. More specifically I wanted to be living and working in the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland.
Once I realised this, I knew that even if I had 30 more years to live,
this was what I needed to do.
It was a huge relief when I received the news that the diagnosis wasn't serious .... and.... I also knew that something had significantly changed in me regarding the choices I was making. In a very short space of time I started turning my life upside down by making decisions about everything through the lens of moving myself to Findhorn and planning how I was going to make that happen.
I stopped playing by the limited internal rules I'd been following, changed my job to earn more, so I could save money for the time I'd be required to do programmes in the Foundation, and applied for, and received, a four-year UK Ancestry Visa based on my grandfather being born in Dublin, Ireland.
In 2004 I moved to Scotland and worked in the Findhorn Foundation over a period of seven years. During that time, in my many roles in the Foundation I faced all the best and the worst of myself. I also trained externally in two modalities that became the basis of my work for the future 10 years... energetic cellular healing and vibrational medicine, adding these to my earlier training in Australia as a herbalist and naturopath.
Two years ago today my body spoke very loudly to me again, through a serious cardiac arrest and since then I've been paying a lot more attention to the wishes of my soul. But apart from extreme self-care, and stopping the healing work I've been doing for the last 10 years, this time I haven't been able to find clarity about what to do with my future.... probably because I've been stuck in limited thinking again and temporarily not really open to other levels of insight and inspiration.
Then five weeks ago I found myself in a similar situation as in 2003 - with a disturbing symptom that is asking me to deeply reflect again on what I'm believing about myself and where I'm putting my energy. It's amazing how the body's responses can focus the mind in an entirely new way, clearing the unhelpful stories and making space for the soul to speak. I found myself looking at these words below which I wrote about 8 months ago and which are displayed in front of me as I sit at my desk every day.
The message I want to leave in the world
is that we all need to hold each other
with tenderness and love
That was the understanding that came out of my cardiac arrest as I discovered that most of all I needed to hold myself tenderly.
And this made me recall starting the weekly silent space called Crucible of Love on Zoom more than a year ago (currently held by my friend Sue Robertson). At the time I only had the energy to hold a silent space and knew that in the future a sharing group would be added. These words also reminded me of the blog I wrote in January entitled "You're the only person I can speak to like this...."
Then the dots joined up very clearly when I read at the end of the blog:
"the chance to participate in a regular shared online space where you and your real authentic life are safe and welcome"
And here we are.... my soul is wanting to offer this space now to provide an opportunity for living and loving in different ways... a place to hold each other tenderly, to explore and evolve together, to develop your own skills in higher sense perception, and open up to a deeper connection with yourself and others, not to mention the part you play in creating the new world humanity is moving towards. The format will be a small group of 8-12 people and the commitment will be to meet once a week on Zoom for 8 weeks.